People in love make me want to vomit
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
