i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
dude. I can hear the air.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
