don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
