tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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