Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
