you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
