Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
