I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
