When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
