Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
