Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
