First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
tell me about the eggs
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize