Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We're too hungover to prance.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
