He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
