Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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