My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize