Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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