I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
