Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
