She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
