I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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