I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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