Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
