oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
