piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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