i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
