So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
