My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
