Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
