I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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