Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Still dying that you shit outside
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize