i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
