am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
