I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
