I think i peed on brittanys purse
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We left the knife in your bed.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
