she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
