I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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