While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize