You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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