You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
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