I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize