a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
