No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
