so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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