One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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