I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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