The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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