life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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