my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
