well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize