I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
