Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
