Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize