We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
