Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
