Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
