I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
