Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize