He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Randomize
