i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
