i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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