I look better un-naked...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
