I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
