She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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