Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize