9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
