he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
