Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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