3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
