Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
