I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize