Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
