Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
