ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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