i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I forget how to act sober
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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