So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
