hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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