dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
