You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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