How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
