Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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