I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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