he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
