Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
