I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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