Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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