I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
