Acid is not a monday night drug
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
