I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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