Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
