i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
