There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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