i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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