Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
