Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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