If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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