u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
