Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
