Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
