yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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