Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
