Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
