Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The best revenge is premature balding
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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