Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Hippo gnu deer
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
