all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
