I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
