I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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