For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
