You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
