Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
