U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
